yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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