He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
