I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
