By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We are two peas in an std pod
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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