She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
