Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
