i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
