i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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