Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
