I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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