Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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