my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
