Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
