Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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