I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
