I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
