There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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