I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
