I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
