You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
