I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
