Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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