So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
