biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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