so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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