He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
