my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
