dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."