I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.