he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.