One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
