you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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