we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
