dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
