I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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