Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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