so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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