lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
