I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
