remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he thought i was a dude.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
