that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
