This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
