am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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