When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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