And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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