she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
