i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
