my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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