Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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