Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
