we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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