I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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