Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
