That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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