I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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