I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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