So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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