I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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