Where is the hickey?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
