my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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