Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize