I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
