i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize