I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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