So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
