i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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