Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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