3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
