sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
