Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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