Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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