dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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